i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
