You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
