what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
