I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
