that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
