i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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