Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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