I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
