hotel room ftw
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
