just tell him i said nine months
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
