Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
