i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
