Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
