just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bring me that man meat
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
