cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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