PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
