goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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