i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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