i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
