Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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