whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
