I just threw up on my dentist
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Actions speak louder than pants.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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