I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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