LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
