I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
