I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
