Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
