the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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