He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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