I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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