garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize