I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
