I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
