I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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