We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need to wash the frat house off of me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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