the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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