im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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