You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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