my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
