omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love you.
Bad choice
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
