she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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