you would pick up someone in the library
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
