i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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