3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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