Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
