May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
