Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
