why didn't you poke me back
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
