You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
