I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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