This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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