If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just high enough for therapy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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