Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
