So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
