Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
