i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
