I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
