Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
