i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want to make out with him forever
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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