i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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