Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
