FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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