Do you still have your period?
You work out of a Hotel?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
