i can juggle bunnies
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?