batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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