Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?