Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"

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  (513): I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair" http://tfl.nu/ia2j
  Replies (21) Good night (628) Bad night (6132)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

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  (401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7
  Replies (29) Good night (6100) Bad night (1045)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.

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  (641): is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink. http://tfl.nu/upl9
  Replies (29) Good night (4711) Bad night (1429)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  So you had sex with my brother?

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.

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  (520): So you had sex with my brother? (1-520): It sounds like you dont need me to answer that. http://tfl.nu/xsv7
  Replies (8) Good night (5596) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.

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  (806): I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned. http://tfl.nu/pksd
  Replies (4) Good night (857) Bad night (4029)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  dear god, who put you in a cab?

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  (267): duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19. (856): dear god, who put you in a cab? http://tfl.nu/6o92
  Replies (21) Good night (4442) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis

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  (508): if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis http://tfl.nu/xw63
  Replies (5) Good night (1874) Bad night (539)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....

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  (775): I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets.... http://tfl.nu/2q79
  Replies (12) Good night (884) Bad night (362)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.

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  (443): i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died. http://tfl.nu/tald
  Replies (6) Good night (458) Bad night (1078)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...

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  (313): You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing... http://tfl.nu/xgjw
  Replies (2) Good night (409) Bad night (929)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.

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  (254): I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits. http://tfl.nu/syex
  Replies (11) Good night (1047) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime

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  (302): I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime http://tfl.nu/7bjc
  Replies (11) Good night (285) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt

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  (210): How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt http://tfl.nu/wi7k
  Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (199)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.

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  (407): There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things. http://tfl.nu/bogj
  Replies (4) Good night (181) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard

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  (843): I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard http://tfl.nu/pmd0
  Replies (1) Good night (414) Bad night (178)

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