I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.