she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
