I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
