all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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