and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize