I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
