Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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