I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
