All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
