You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm too high and old for this...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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