the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
