my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
