DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
