if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
