So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
